Uff.......

I am highly dissappointed.. I always feel like committing suicide... I am so pessimistic about my life that I don't want to live anymore.... I am not able to cope with the monotony of life... I am not rich enough to enjoy life... I have made some serious wrong decisions in life...which I am repenting....This intercaste marriage is the biggest hindrance in my life.. I am feeling suffoctaed... The responsibilities.. Different culture..different language...everything is so demanding... I am thinking too much but I know that I have made the wrong decision...

never Plan in Life...

I seriously Hate my life... don't know where it is heading towards... I know on ething that nener say never....The things you never thought of doing in life will definitely happen in your life...Destiny it is..what we say...and I am specially blessed with a super duper destiny with no happiness, excitement , no fondness, no hopes, no flourishing career....nothng left.. I don't have any hopes for naything in life.. Although I am blessed with a nice family, nice bf..but i don't want to follw the bong culture...don't want to live in delhi anymore....but see my destiny... i have to follow and live with bong people and culture my entire life.... live in delhi for how many years..don't know.... live away from my family....where is it heading.. really don't know.. I cannot even compalin to God... because.. I am losing my faith in him...He will not do any good to me... Although he has done a lot of good things to me... But he has gifted me with some unwanted  things as well.. What Am I supposed to do... I cannt take this life anymore... I cannot live this life anymore like this....

I am Frustrated

I just find any place to vent out my frustration so I come here... Sometimes tears are the medium for the unsaid things which we cannot say....When tears also dry up..then this blog writing is the way to say somethings realistic about the things happening in my life... If somebody analyzes my life cycle, everybody will say that my life has been struggling but somehow I have managed to get somethings in my life.... But still I am not content... When I see people around me happy, I wonder how somebody can be content and satisfied.... Maybe they are very lucky or they have learnt the art of compromising..... I somewhere wanted to question God, why some people get everything so easily and why people like us have to compromise every time... But I feel so helpless that now  even complaining to God seems useless to me.... I don't know what to do... I am BLANK... My present status clearly says that I have no sentiments for anyone except for my family.. I am depressed.. frustrated....directionless... emoitonless...helpless....irritated.... and sad... I have really forgot to smile... I don't know when I will be smiling back... How I wish that this world ends in December, 2012......

God... Tussi Meri samajh ke bahar ho....

Everybody says that you should always be content and happy and thankful to the almighty....I am highly thankful to the God for giving a very wonderful family...a good education.... a good job.... a good companion.....But should I be thankful to him for all the sufferings I had..... Should I thank God that i never had a wonderful grandparents... should I thank him for giving a rude and angry father.... Should I thank him for giving a job which i am not very satisfied... Should I thank him for not giving good people around me....Should I thank him for giving a compromising situation whenever I desperately want to have that thing.......There are people around you who say that you should always look at the people who are deprived of the things you are enjoying in your life.... But i want to ask each and everyone why should not we look upto those people who are in a better condition than you and enjoying a better and luxurious life than you......I feel frustrated that all thorugh out my life i had to compromise and compromise.... And my future life is also going to be just a compromise......I feel like ending this bullshit life..... I hate to compromise and If i don't do then i am in the bad books of each and everyone who will make my life hell elsewhile....

Kya karun???

I am in a deep dilemma... Living in this Indian society is highly difficult and its taking a toll on my mind and my health.... I know the reason but cannot help it.....Hence, I am highly frustrated and I am venting out my frustration in one or the other way...
The story goes like this....

I am into this relation for around one and a half year...when it started my parents were after me fro getting married... We both took our time of around ten months and told our respective families about it... The boy and his family are more than happy but my parents are not happy at all although they have agreed to the same because of my rebellious nature... But I can understand that theyu are right and have enough reasons to justify their actions.

I am a typical Hindu from U.P. and they are of different ethnicity i.e. Bengali. The major reason for me being confused is the difference in the culture. Thhey have different way of celebrating a particular festival and I have different way. Their language, food habits and many more things are entirely different. Although my boyfreind has assured me that I can do the things in my own way as well but I know that I won't be able to do this because of his father who is very strict and stubborn regarding his culture.The guy's father is also very cunning by nature and is very hot headed. My parents are very concerned about the major adjustments I have to make. I am feeling frustrated. Now I feel I have made a wrong decision.
How to move out of this relationship??? My biggest dilemma is this. Now everybody knows about our relationship and even about or marriage. I am highly depressed.

Dilemma.....

I sometmes fail to understand why I think so much...There are many a tiimes in life when people are confused and sometimes the reasons seem to be really weird......Same is going with me...

Sometimes ago I was boasting of my love story... I am still happy but somehwere down the line I  have started feeling that I should not settle down with this person. Not because I do not love that person but the difference in the culture. I am a typical Hindu from U.P. The boy is a bengali . Hence, the compatibility factor is going to be there for sure.I don't know how to cope up with this. I celbrate diwali and holi in a different manner and the bengalis do not celebrate it on such a lavish scale. I fail to understand where will it go and where am I supposed to stop my thinking. Am I thinking in the right direction or is it too much to think at this stage. I am in a deep dilemma... What am I supposed to do..God please help me...

Sorry....

I know you love me unconditionally

Your love has no boundaries

I am sorry for hurting you emotionally

Just let me know when I am a burden for you…

I will slip out of your life quietly

Even my silence will not be there around you

So that you live happy and peacefully

I know what is my place in your life

But you know what is real me….

I may not be your dream girl….

But I aint that bad…..

You made me realize how special I am for you…

But maybe I am not the best for you….

My heart cried every moment I stayed away from you…..

But I can’t be with you forcefully…..

Can’t describe you the pain I went through….

I will go away silently…..

So that you live happy and peacefully

Thanks for making my journey so lovely……..